The Business of Easter

Easter is lovely and all, but it’s not the rabbits very most favorite holiday. Actually each rabbit has their own holiday that they prefer and Hula tends to adopt a different holiday every year so as to be a more Sensitive and Diverse Rabbit. And frankly as she puts it, “Life is short. One should never miss an opportunity to celebrate.” This year, for example, she’s embracing Flag Day.

Easter used to be Bunnie’s favorite because every year she made herself a new outfit and there was always tea and rabbit paws and quiche with asparagus and fresh fruit in the early afternoon. All the rabbits would take turns hiding the Easter eggs and whoever found the most was the winner and would get a plastic egg filled with jelly beans. Even if you never won a round of the Easter Egg hunt, all the other winners would share and it was just the best and loveliest of days no matter what.

Granted the whole Easter Bunny stereotype was a little tiresome, but that was easy to overlook on a beautiful spring morning with a new outfit and rabbit paws fresh from the oven.

But then everything changed. It all started one year when Hula rather innocently remarked that what might be nice, what might be fun, would be having an Easter egg hunt open to the to the public. And that’s really all it took to get Beatrix thinking and the next thing you knew, the rabbits were staging the Best Bunny Hunt & Real Rabbit Round Up. Because, as Beatrix said, “Is it such a terrible thing for us to play into an expectations for a little cold hard cash?”

So these days Bunnie no longer makes a new outfit, but recycles one from a previous year because she only wears it for a few hours as the hostess at the gate of BBH&RRRU. Easter is all business now.

For the last few years they’ve staged an egg hunt in a grassy meadow in the hills of up above Rabbit Run. They hand-decorate dozens and dozens of eggs, then rope off a specially designated egg-hunt area and charge admission. On Easter morning, Hula and Harry go door to door, drumming up customers. They knock, and before the sleepy occupant who has finally comes to the door, can manage out one word, Hula says, “Easter Egg hunt run by real rabbits!” Harry thrusts a flyer into a startled hand and the two of them run off.

An egg hunt operated by actual rabbits is more than most people can resist, and they have turn a tidy profit most years. So even with all the work and getting their paws stained by egg dye and dealing with big kids who try to take more eggs than is polite and the little ones who pull on the rabbits ears to see if they’re real, Easter usually works out pretty well.

Except last year. Last year the rabbits had a real row about the eternal hard-boiled eggs vs. plastic eggs issue. Rabbits were taking sides, and that lead to paw-pointing, and before the whole thing was settled the fur really flew. On top of all that, Easter morning was cold and drizzly. Attendance was way down, they barely made any money at all, especially because they had invested in both real eggs AND plastic eggs. So there was another round of paw-pointing as to whose fault the whole thing was. In the end they spent their profits on a night at the movies, but each rabbit had to pay for their own popcorn. It was a real low point.

So this year they’re trying hard to turn things around. But when you have seven rabbits with strong opinions, that can lead to tensions.

This year the big conflict arose when Beatrix suggested that they introduce chocolate eggs into the festivities. “People expect them,” she said. “We could really up our profit if we added them to the line.”

“I’ve seen our budget for food this year and we can’t afford good chocolate,” said Chef Thelma.

“Isn’t there anything we can afford?” wondered Hula. “I do like chocolate.”

“What, that cheap stuff in the bright foil wrappers that they sell at the drugstore?” asked Chef Thelma. “My reputation as a chef is on the line. I couldn’t possibly be associated with that stuff.”

“But you love some of that stuff!” said an exasperated Beatrix. “What about chocolate covered malt in the shape of bird eggs. And what about the spring colored M&M’s? last year put them on cupcakes at the No Foam Cafe from the beginning of March till the end of May. What about that?”

“Ah well” said Thelma reflecting, “the M&M is a confection all onto itself, and the malt balls are my own private indulgence. But with freshly made chocolate eggs, we’re talking about my public image. As a serious chef I simply can’t indorse an inferior product.”

“But chocolate eggs are a seasonal imperative! How can we compete if we don’t give the people what they want.”

“Forget it,” said Thelma. “I’m not serving derivative chocolate drivel to please the masses”

“You’re impossible,” said Beatrix, her fur bristling.

Hula tried to intervene. “What if we made something else out of chocolate, like cookies or cakes? That way we could use good chocolate, but it would go further.”

Beatrix stomped her foot. “Because it’s Easter! People don’t talk about Easter cookies or Easter cakes, they talk about eggs! Easter eggs!”

“I’m not using cheap chocolate,” Thelma reiterated.

“If we use the fancy stuff we won’t make any money,” said Beatrix.

“How come everything has to be about money anyway?” asked Hula.

Beatrix looked like steam was going to come out of her ears. “Because money is what pays for the food and the house and popcorn at the movies! Where have you been all your rabbit life?!”

Hula pondered that a moment, not the least offended by Beatrix’s outburst. “Flying kites, mostly,” she said, and wandered off.

copyright 2008 Denise Beauchamp